Author: jocelynr

Where one story ends, another begins. It’s three and a half years since Bill died. In that time I’ve spent hours, days, weeks and months processing our journey together through our 49 years, and our 15-year journey with Alzheimer’s. This memoir is part of that processing. While I spent a good part of our last…

No Voice I’m coughing but not vomiting anymore, so today I go with Stephanie to the hospital. She didn’t get as sick as Lily and I did and isn’t coughing anymore. I know I shouldn’t go when I’m still sick but it’s been four days and I want to see Bill. I hold a folded…

De-institutionalizing Bill We all have habits, some good, some not. Me changing any of the habits I have that I want to change seems like an endless task, but in Bill’s case a few things he had to do in hospital, had learned to do, or had forgotten how to do, changed in just a…

Tuesday, Sept. 19th, 2017 Had a nice lunch with friends, then at 4:00 o’clock this afternoon got a phone call from Meghna, the new Social Worker at the Jubilee, that sent me reeling. She said Bill’s pass has been cancelled. I cannot bring him home on Friday. Why? Because he ‘is changing’ according to his…

Action News from the ward when I called last night was that Bill was doing well. He was chatting with the nurses all day in actual conversation, laughing at things that were funny, talking about what was going on around him, and generally very upbeat. So, in spite of his problems coming out of the…

Whose Body Is It? Arrived at the hospital at 7:10. Bill’s ECT was supposed to be at 7:45 but the porter was already there with the stretcher and we load him on. He can barely walk due to double the dose of Nozinan he was given via injection before I got there. And my lack…

Cool Down Just got home. Today, Dr. A informed me she’s going on holidays for the next month, so nothing will happen re gaining Bill’s release until she gets back. I said Bill had been incident free for eleven days, and the original statement of when he could be released from involuntary care was that…

A call at home early this morning from Dr. A. “Bill’s out of control,” she says. “We have him in seclusion and he’s yelling for help. Can you come?” “I’ll leave immediately,” I reply, “but you know it will take me three and a half to four hours to get there.” Ten minutes later I’m…

Shocks Dr. A just called to say Bill is not happy and he is not walking well. He has an impaired gait. First, she talked about ordering a cat-scan of his hip but immediately switched to talking about doing ECT (electric shock therapy) because he is not responding to medication. This is one day after…

Phase Three Dr. F calls me to tell me Bill’s about to be moved, and despite her attempts to get the ambulance crew to allow me to ride in the ambulance to Victoria with them, I won’t be allowed to do so. “I don’t know why they’re being so weird about it,” she says. She…

Comox Yesterday when I got to the hospital about 11:00 Bill was still in the cell room, and when I walked right in and plunked myself down beside him on the bed, his nurse—who was a male—muttered, “No hesitation,” and left, but there were two security guards present in the room. n Bill was drooling,…

Behind Locked Doors My time at the hospital has been limited for a week. Shovelling snow has gotten to me. A pinched nerve in my back. But I got a call from a good friend, who asked if it was okay for her to visit Bill. I was happy he’d have the extra company. After…

Roller Coaster I’m at the hospital when Dr. S arrives. He asks Bill, who is curled up in bed with his head buried in the covers, if he’s in any pain. Bill says no. He looks at Bill’s legs, leaves indents where he presses and says he’s going to reduce the Risperidone and talk to…

Downs and Ups Day eight. After lunch we walk, and today’s security guard doesn’t bother following us at all. He waits by the nurses’ desk and chats with them while Bill and I do the rounds. And when I take Bill for a shower, the guard stays by the nurses’ desk. When we get back…

Week One After breakfast, Bill’s cousin packs up his things and leaves. And I go back to the hospital. It’s 9:30 when I walk into Bill’s room on 3 North. He is still in the 4-point restraints; still drugged out of his mind. There is a Care Aide stationed at a computer beside the bed.…

Disaster At the beginning of April 2016, Stephanie and I decide we all need more room, so we contact a realtor and go looking for a place with two complete, separate living spaces. We’re shown a lot of different places—all with the potential for an in-law suite after serious and costly renovation. We talk again…

Respite Six months ago, I applied for a two-week respite stay for Bill at Yucalta Lodge. Respite stays at Yucalta have to be booked by Case Managers six months in advance because there are just three respite beds for the entire North Island. Only one in the locked ward in the facility, which is where…

Perceptions It’s getting hard. In the daytime, he’s fine, but recently Bill started doing things like getting up at night and peeing in places other than the bathroom. I don’t sleep much anymore. I think I must be listening for him to get up so I can get up fast enough to make sure he’s…

Confusion We’ve been in Victoria for a couple of days and are going home tonight. Stephanie has returned to work after a year of maternity leave and hasn’t found being a single, working mother easy when it comes to child care. Lily seems to pick up every cold and flu going the rounds, and every…

Hawaii “No,” I answer the question I was asked. “He’s only wearing his bathing suit. It’s black. No shirt, no shoes, no hat. He’s barefoot. He’s carrying my wallet. There’s fifty American dollars in it. No, no I.D., and he won’t remember the name of our hotel, or even what street it’s on.” The officer’s…

Double Trouble In answer to queries I sent to Bill’s relatives for the UBC doctor, I learn various uncles, aunts, or cousins have suffered from depression, bi-polar disease or dementia. Clearly there are some mental health issues in this family. But none who had dementia had shown any sign of it until they were into…

Diagnosis At 9:15 a.m. a psychiatrist comes to meet us in the waiting room we were directed to when we arrived at the University of British Columbia Hospital Clinic for Alzheimer Disease and Related Disorders. He introduces himself as Dr. F and leads us down a maze of hallways to the Alzheimer’s Clinic, where he…

September, 2015 My husband needs to pee. For some reason, before he gets up he puts his pillow on the floor. When he returns from the bathroom, he climbs into bed and looks bewildered. “Lose something?” I say. “Yeah, I think so.” “Lie down,” I say. He does. “What are you missing?” His head swivels…